Hunter S Thompson once said: “Groveling is bad for the soul. It’s like grappling with whores in a drugstore.”
Calling a woman after you’ve had more than a few and begging her to take you back will never work. Put down the phone and give her some space. Let her wonder about you for a change as you ponder these tips on winning her back.
Perform Reconnaissance
Shake down that girlfriend grapevine and find out if she’s dating anyone else or ripping the crotch out of your Levis (that have yet to be returned to you).
Women go through five post-breakup emotional stages and you want to catch her in the right one:
- Stage one: depression (she’s staying in Friday nights and surfing Facebook);
- Stage two: anger (she’s toasting to your gruesome demise);
- Stage three: revenge (she’s shagging your friend. Sorry);
- Stage four: nostalgia (she keeps listening to “your song”);
- Stage five: weepy vulnerability (she’s realizing that life with you was better than it is without you).
You can safely re-enter her life during stages four or five.
Broadcast Regret
Let her know that you screwed up but without prostrating yourself too much. Whatever you say to her friends will reach her ears faster than a cruise missile. Tell them you miss her a lot and bitterly regret your part in the break-up but don’t over do it. Just say it matter-of-factly without groveling.
When You Do Call, Keep It Light
She’s trying to convince herself she’s better off without you. Reverse the process by reminding her of all the good times you’ve had. Flatter and flirt with her, but do not ask her out. You have to regain her trust. Instead, ask about her work, and email her some pertinent info or mention something that’s unique to her and say, “I thought of you when I saw this.”
Reminisce about old times or simply make her laugh. Little touches like this will remind her how well you know her and what a hassle it’s going to be breaking in a new boyfriend.
Talk To A Pretty Woman
Frequent her haunts, and make sure she sees you with the best-looking woman in the joint (even if you’re just asking this person what time it is). The mere sight of a beautiful woman speaking to you will trigger her jealousy because it shows you’re doing just fine without her. But don’t get frisky. You want to trigger the I-want-what-she-has instinct, not he’s-a-bigger-jerk-than-I-remembered.
When Speaking Face to Face...
When dealing with her directly, apologize profusely and say you lost your head. Let her vent as long as she needs to without interrupting. Absorb her wrath while nodding quietly. Never point the finger back at her or you’ll blow it. Agree with everything she says and promise to do whatever it takes to make it up to her. Write: “I’m sorry, forgive me” on your chest in lipstick (use a mirror) then flash your pectorals at her. You never know …
Keep Your Cool
Bump into her accidentally on purpose, looking your best. Pretend you’re in a hurry and keep the conversation short and casual. As you leave, say something like: “Let’s go for coffee sometime and catch up.”
If she agrees to meet you for a coffee, she’ll be a little on edge, so just keep things friendly and light. Make each gesture count: Help her off with her coat, open the door for her, and pay for her drink. After an hour of catching up and laughing, she’ll be wondering why you broke up in the first place!
This is where you nod slowly and say you’re having “a really good time” and suggest dinner the following week. If she accepts, you’re on your way in. Just try not to mess things up again!
