Taking the sexual initiative with a man is like trying to tame a skittish Springbok. The trick is not to startle him too soon. Your best approach is to tempt him with your wares. Display the bait then lie low for a while. Let him graze on the lush plains of his own fertile imagination. Men are hunters by nature and uncomfortable in the role of prey. A man confronted by a predatory woman will run faster than a looter fleeing from a police van so let him think he is making all the moves.
Truth is a man would choose a timid tigress over a howling hyena any day. Your shyness is a turn on for men because it makes them feel powerful and in charge. A shy man may need a nudge in the right direction but subtlety is key when it comes to prizing him out of his shell.
Here are some more suggestions:
Invite him in
Offer him something to drink or ask if he’d like to see your new computer game.
Touch him
On the forearm with your hand is easiest, but on the upper arm with your breast is better.
Shower him with approval
Laugh at his jokes. Look him in the eyes and smile. Respond positively to the things he says. Men find all these things encouraging.
Let the conversation lull
Guys generally get silent before they move in for the kiss. Don't chase the moment away.
Ask a provocative question
How are you at foot rubs? Are you a good kisser? When do you have to get up? You get the idea ...
Let’s talk about sex baby
You might worry about sounding stupid or spoiling the mood but sort out safe sex issues long before you share a duvet. It’s far easier to ask how he feels about condoms in the course of a casual conversation than when you’re between the sheets.
Discuss sexual issues outside the bedroom
“I would really like us to take it slower” is easy to hear over a glass of wine at dinner. Screeching “slow down you klutz!” will bruise his feelings.
Ask nicely
Be kind rather than accusatory. “You know what would drive me crazy? I’d love for you to…” rather than accuse him doing something wrong.
One request at a time
If you bombard your man with suggestions he may begin to feel incompetent. Instead, be encouraging. The more you compliment him, the more excited and capable he becomes. Sit close. Touch him gently and reassuringly.
Build up his erotic self-confidence
When you get what you want in bed let him know. Say “Yeah, that’s it!” Moan, sigh or move around. Psychologists say when a certain behavior is rewarded, it happens more often. Praise him when he does something right. Let him know you love it.
Take responsibility for your desires
Make “I” statements rather than “You” statements. There is a big difference between “I’d love you to get more forceful with me” and “You aren’t aggressive enough.”
